I’ve spent too much of my life as a professional communicator trying not to make people unhappy. I’ve been too careful not to offend, be controversial or upset anyone.
If I had it to do over, I’d worry less about how people reacted. Why? Because no matter how hard I try, I can’t control their reactions. I’ve wasted time and energy trying to please the “unpleasable.”
I still don’t intend to try to tick people off. I will not intentionally be petty or mean-spirited. But after years of speaking, publishing online and writing books, I’ve noticed these things:
- You can’t make everyone happy. We are supposed to know that, but for some reason it is hard to remember.
- Some people actively search out reasons to be insulted or offended.
- The best intentioned thought or statement can be misconstrued or taken the wrong way. I’ve had people go off on me over a rhetorical question I asked. Jumping to conclusions could be an Olympic sport.
- If people only agree with you, they aren’t thinking very hard or deeply about what you’ve said. I never begrudge anyone a difference of opinion if it is well reasoned and they are looking for dialogue and not just a fight.
- Since other people don’t seem to care if they alienate or annoy me, why worry about them? There are some reviewers, bloggers, commenters and other critics who are not only direct but sometimes harsh and unfair in the things they write to me and about me. Civility is often lacking and ironically, if you try to engage these people they suddenly become thin skinned and have difficulty tasting their own medicine. The best response here: ignore ’em.
No matter how carefully or sensitively you communicate, you’ll crush a few eggshells. Often the unhappy or critical responses are more about the responder than you.
So I’d not advise you to tick people off. I can only tell you that I’m going to worry much less about making people unhappy with what I write or say.
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Amen Brother! I never could understand how people can search out reasons to be insulted or offended. They must lead empty lives or they volunteer themselves to be “Fault Finders”. Lord knows we have a surplus of those.
I read once about a pianist who, at the end of a performance, was upset because he’d misplayed one note. When someone came up to him and asked why he looked so sour, he said “I missed a note when playing that song.” The person responded, “But think of how many right notes you played.”
Learn to keep perspective.
Also, for all the negative feedback you get, think about what an amazing opportunity it is to show grace to others. Seen in this light, it could be viewed as a gift.
Mark:
Helpful wisdom. You can choose to throw a rock in the lake. You can wind up and try to hit a certain spot. But as soon as you let go of the rock, you don’t have any more control over it. And you especially don’t have any control over the ripples. Sometimes people want to control the ripples. I’m spending more time trying to work on which rock I want to throw and how far I want to throw it.