Leadership is all about relationships.
The ability to build healthy relationships with others, in your personal and professional life, is primary not only to your success but your happiness as well.
Nearly everyone says they’d like better relationships, but how? Here are some important ideas:
1. Be interested in the person, not just the result. This sounds like common sense, but it’s easy to be more interested in what an employee or colleague can do for you than them as an individual. It is the top of the slippery slope that leads to people feeling used. Go back and listen to an old Bob Seger song about autoworkers in Detroit titled “I Feel Like a Number.”
2. Don’t treat people as transactions. Every transaction, big or small, fits into a larger puzzle. Think about the last time you visited a doctor. He or she may have accurately diagnosed and treated your ailment, but if they lacked empathy or seemed rushed, you felt more like a “case” than a “patient.” You don’t have to be touchy-feely to be sensitive to feelings. And a lack of genuine interest inevitably leads to people feeling like mere transactions.
3. Invest in those you value. The ultimate test of value in a relationship is how much time, interest, and support you are willing to invest. Never having time for important relationships, not listening to concerns, and an unwillingness to coach and develop demonstrate low regard for the relationship. Rather than ask, “What have you done for me lately?” turn the tables and ask yourself what you’ve done lately for those you truly value.
Here’s one way to invest for great dividends: identify the potential in an employee that he or she doesn’t recognize in themselves. Often people are blind to their own abilities or potential, and good leaders not only recognize these latent strengths, they also help develop them.
4. Stay involved (rather than removed). I’ve heard it said that “Presence is a present,” and I agree. You can work in the same office space with people every day and still be absent because you are preoccupied with your own worries, concerns, and challenges. An open-door policy means nothing if you don’t stop what you’re doing long enough to give your attention to those who walk through it.
In the age of perpetual distraction, involvement is active, not passive. If you don’t periodically inquire into the lives of those you lead, you aren’t doing your job.
5. Express appreciation. I’ve fielded many complaints from employees of client companies, but I’ve never heard anyone complain they were recognized, rewarded, or appreciated too much. I’m puzzled why so many entrepreneurs and leaders are reticent to voice appreciation for fear of “overdoing it.” You connect with people more deeply when you recognize the best in them and let them know.
What will you do to deepen the connections with the important people in your business and life?
Mark Sanborn is an award winning speaker, leadership strategist and Leadership Expert in Residence at High Point University, the Premier Life Skills University which challenges students to “choose to be extraordinary.” He also advises executives and professional speakers on how to speak more powerfully. For more information about his work, visit www.marksanborn.com.
